i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
