Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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