I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
