Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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