I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
