can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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