why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
MIDGETS
????
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
