Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
