BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
