I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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