YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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