The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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