Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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