It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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