you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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