I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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