I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Randomize
