i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
