Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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