I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
