I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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