he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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