Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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