that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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