About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
