Will you blow on my dice?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
