I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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