I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
