Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
