Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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