i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
