Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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