i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
