So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
