i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
