i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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