Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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