I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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