Operation Purity has been aborted
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i think i just lost a toe
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
