I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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