Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
