Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
