im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
