I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
