I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
