Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
