Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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