she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
