OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your penis caused this!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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