you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize