I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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