So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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