he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
