Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
