I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
