He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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